watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
