I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
