Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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