I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
