Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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