Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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