I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
