Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
