I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
