I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
