I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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