I wish I could teleport
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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