Yo dont text me then not text me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
