now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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