I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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