Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
