Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
