i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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