New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
