You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
