Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
third nipple confirmed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
