I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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