I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
