so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
