You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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