I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
