I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
