Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
