drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
