This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
