Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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