I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
