Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
