he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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