dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
