he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
