It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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