it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
