watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize