Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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