420 ftw
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
