My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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