Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
