I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
