woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Man, jail baloney is awful.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
