I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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