he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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