sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
