I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
