My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
