just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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