I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
