from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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